Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Why Am I Doing This?

Why all of a sudden this strong urge for change? What happened? I mean, for the past 14 years things have somewhat been the same for me. Wrong moves, bad decisions, cloudy perspective, the works. So why change now? What happened to me? No doubt, I will make more mistakes and make more decisions that will probably end of not being good ones for me, but I want change! I want something different in my life. 'In order to get what you never had, you must do what you've never done.' I don't know who said that but boy did they hit the nail on the head or what! I need to be content with who I am. I need to be content with who God saids I am. So that led to the question; Who am I? If I don't have the answers to those very important questions, then I believe that my life will be a complete waste. I'll never forget when God gave me a personal word. He said "You are going through what you are going through not just for you, but for those that come after."

I'm Dreaming because my daughters need to know that is the start of desire.
I'm Striving to achieve because my daughters need to know to NEVER give up.
I'm Achieving because my grandchildren need hope to grasp to.
I'm Being or Becoming who God saids I am and Learning about myself because my children and their children's children need to know that that is the ONLY person they should strive to be!
So I am doing this for ME. I am doing this for Them. I am doing this!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
(from the movie: Akela and the Bee)
I have my reasons

Monday, November 17, 2008

In one Week what have I accomplished?

I must say alot. I have found an apartment in Durham and put the deposit down on it. It was hard work too. Finding an apartment that you can afford is no easy task nowadays. I have finished my first full week of classes at Sherrill's. I mean I'm absolutely psyched about everything! I'm tired when I go to class just because it's directly after work, but I heard a man say one time, 'You have to step out of your comfort zone in order to reach your dreams'.
I also visited a beautiful lady yesterday. She will be locking my hair in about 21 days! Yeah, I made that decision to be me, naturally. So alot has been going on.
I'm a little nervous about everything changing so fast. I can't lie to myself and say that those thoughts of what everyone will think of me haven't krept it's way into my mind, but I'm dog determined that this time I'm living for me. My daughters are excited for me being in school. At their age, school is so fun! They are just so happy that mommy gets to go to school and have fun too! At their young age, they have more truth and wisdom than they even realize, because they see life in it's simpliest form. Their way of thinking is : Say you're sorry and then hug, love your family and show it, be friendly and have friends, and have as much fun as possible.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

This Time It's Different

I made up in my mind that this time was going to be different. I have spent so much of my young life afraid of what people might think of me. What would they say? If I did that, how would they see me then? Well no more! I mean seriously, it's my life and I only have one. Since it seems that I have waisted enough time, I think I'd better get to living for ME!